How can you come to terms with being rejected?
Either way you look at it, if you like the person, then them rejecting you hurts a little bit.
When it comes to dealing with the painful feeling of being rejected, what you need to keep in mind is that it’s your mindset that makes all the difference.
This is a mindset that has helped me move past rejection in the past.
“Sometimes you gotta get past the bee’s to get to the honey.”
Not only that, but try to remember that rejection is redirection! most of the time it has zero to do with you. It’s their loss.
Changing your mindset around rejection
It’ll require a lot of work to change your thinking, but it’s definitely worth it, and you’ll probably start feeling less out of control early in the process.
You feel pain from rejection because you’re looking for your value in other people’s opinions of you.
You have to look deep within yourself and recognize your own value yourself, which feels impossible at first.
It helps to start by imagining yourself as a little girl you and seeing her value.
Perhaps look back on your own past memories of feeling rejected as a child, and work out if those past experiences are crippling your ability to deal with rejection today.
Perhaps you associate rejection with a deep fear of abandonment. If that’s the case, you will need to focus on processing the bad things that happened to you in your childhood. You’ll need to grieve them and move on from that, or else you’ll never fully be able to deal with rejection.
Without this kind of healing from past experiences, it’s almost impossible to grow!
There’s a lot of info out there. Anything from cultivating self love to having unbreakable confidence as a woman.
Self love feels foreign and impossible at first but it’s the only road to emotional freedom.
And remember, you have to love the parts of yourself you’re ashamed of and want to change. We’re all human and we’re all flawed.
So, no matter what you do, be the person who is your own best friend. Be kind to yourself.
Do you fall for everyone you meet? Why?
Think of it this way. We don’t all fall for every guy we meet, right?
In fact, you probably don’t fall for most guys you meet. It’s the same for them.
Accept it and move on. Don’t feel bad about it. It’s just the natural selection process at work.
Think of it like trying on clothes. You took it in the dressing room because you liked it. But it doesn’t fit you right or the style doesn’t suit you.
So you try on something else. You aren’t rejecting the clothes!
You only have limited resources so you want to spend them on clothes that fit and flatter you and suit your style.
Now think of yourself as the clothes that may not have worked on that one person – BUT that someone else will love!
Would you ever want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back?
Ask yourself, would I ever want to be with someone who doesn’t want me back?
Obviously, the answer is no. It’s better to find out before you build something with someone.
If the person who has rejected you has been honest with you, then try to appreciate their honesty and just let people have their own opinions, which don’t involve you.
Here’s why rejection is so painful…
Back in hunter gatherer days when our brain evolved, rejection = loss of allies = possible exile from the tribe = starvation.
So we evolved to panic! But that’s probably not true for the majority of us going through rejection these days!
Your people will still care about you, your fridge will still have food and the sun will still rise in spite of whatever rejection your brain is currently having a conniption about.
Yes, your feelings are valid. Yes, you should feel them in all their marvellous, messy, painful glory.
But at some point we also need to give our prima donna brain/ego a stern talking to.
About what? About overreaction to essentially meaningless actions, taken by other people – for their own reasons!
Feel your feelings, but don’t dwell on them
As mentioned above, you should acknowledge your feelings in all their painful glory.
But eventually, it comes to a point where dwelling on the rejection becomes more of a pattern and an addiction than it is about feeling your feelings in order to be able to move on.
At some point when you’re ready, you just have to tell yourself to not give this “brake-pumper” anymore of your time, thoughts, or attention. Just because this guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that the right guy won’t!
Instead, focus on y-o-u.
Apparently this was one of those relationships for a season…and that’s okay. Move on.
The sea is full of guys who want to treat you right.
Hopefully soon you will realize God spared you and was actually looking out for your best interest.