How to deal with rejection?

How can you come to terms with being rejected?

Either way you look at it, if you like the person, then them rejecting you hurts a little bit.

When it comes to dealing with the painful feeling of being rejected, what you need to keep in mind is that it’s your mindset that makes all the difference.

This is a mindset that has helped me move past rejection in the past.

“Sometimes you gotta get past the bee’s to get to the honey.”

Not only that, but try to remember that rejection is redirection! most of the time it has zero to do with you. It’s their loss.

Changing your mindset around rejection

It’ll require a lot of work to change your thinking, but it’s definitely worth it, and you’ll probably start feeling less out of control early in the process.

You feel pain from rejection because you’re looking for your value in other people’s opinions of you.

You have to look deep within yourself and recognize your own value yourself, which feels impossible at first.

It helps to start by imagining yourself as a little girl you and seeing her value.

Perhaps look back on your own past memories of feeling rejected as a child, and work out if those past experiences are crippling your ability to deal with rejection today.

Perhaps you associate rejection with a deep fear of abandonment. If that’s the case, you will need to focus on processing the bad things that happened to you in your childhood. You’ll need to grieve them and move on from that, or else you’ll never fully be able to deal with rejection.

Without this kind of healing from past experiences, it’s almost impossible to grow!

There’s a lot of info out there. Anything from cultivating self love to having unbreakable confidence as a woman.

Self love feels foreign and impossible at first but it’s the only road to emotional freedom.

And remember, you have to love the parts of yourself you’re ashamed of and want to change. We’re all human and we’re all flawed.

So, no matter what you do, be the person who is your own best friend. Be kind to yourself.

Do you fall for everyone you meet? Why?

Think of it this way. We don’t all fall for every guy we meet, right?

In fact, you probably don’t fall for most guys you meet. It’s the same for them.

Accept it and move on. Don’t feel bad about it. It’s just the natural selection process at work. 

Think of it like trying on clothes. You took it in the dressing room because you liked it. But it doesn’t fit you right or the style doesn’t suit you.

So you try on something else. You aren’t rejecting the clothes!

You only have limited resources so you want to spend them on clothes that fit and flatter you and suit your style.

Now think of yourself as the clothes that may not have worked on that one person – BUT that someone else will love!

Would you ever want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back?

Ask yourself, would I ever want to be with someone who doesn’t want me back?

Obviously, the answer is no. It’s better to find out before you build something with someone.

If the person who has rejected you has been honest with you, then try to appreciate their honesty and just let people have their own opinions, which don’t involve you.

Here’s why rejection is so painful…

Back in hunter gatherer days when our brain evolved, rejection = loss of allies = possible exile from the tribe = starvation.

So we evolved to panic! But that’s probably not true for the majority of us going through rejection these days!

Your people will still care about you, your fridge will still have food and the sun will still rise in spite of whatever rejection your brain is currently having a conniption about.

Yes, your feelings are valid. Yes, you should feel them in all their marvellous, messy, painful glory.

But at some point we also need to give our prima donna brain/ego a stern talking to.

About what? About overreaction to essentially meaningless actions, taken by other people – for their own reasons!

Feel your feelings, but don’t dwell on them

As mentioned above, you should acknowledge your feelings in all their painful glory.

But eventually, it comes to a point where dwelling on the rejection becomes more of a pattern and an addiction than it is about feeling your feelings in order to be able to move on.

At some point when you’re ready, you just have to tell yourself to not give this “brake-pumper” anymore of your time, thoughts, or attention. Just because this guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that the right guy won’t!

Instead, focus on y-o-u.

Apparently this was one of those relationships for a season…and that’s okay. Move on.

The sea is full of guys who want to treat you right.

Hopefully soon you will realize God spared you and was actually looking out for your best interest.

What is Attunement & How it Helps You Meet “The One”

A lot of people ask: “what is attunement?”

The official definition of attunement is: “to bring into harmony. To make aware or responsive.”

A lot of people are talking about attunement in dating and how it’s helpful to use it with men to find the right man.

The real reason why attunement is valuable is that it allows you to connect and be in harmony with your own feelings as well as then being in attunement (as much as possible) with the man.

When you’re attuned, you get him. You understand where he’s coming from.

But before you attune to anyone else, you have to first be able to attune to yourself. If you don’t do that, then you can’t grow in awareness enough to attune to someone outside of you!

The rule is that if you want to connect with others, you have to first not abandon yourself. Attune to YOU first.

Here is a therapist’s view on the art of attunement and how it can help people transform.

What attunement for a woman looks like

Attunement is learning how your body and emotions respond to things.

Attunement is like when someone asks another how they knew they had found “The One” and they say “I just knew”. It’s learning to trust that inner knowing.

Attunement, first and foremost, has more to do with learning about yourself than it is about the guys. So say for example some guy flakes on your pre-planned date, and for some reason this “rubs” you the wrong way.

Attunement would have you know why it rubbed you the wrong way, and whether or not you’d care to pursue someone who makes you feel this way.

Knowing when someone rubs you the wrong way

There was a man I once knew and dated. The best way to sum him is a whole lot of thoughts saying: “he’s nice… but…”.

BUT. He hated my line of work and ridiculed my colleagues (he was a far leftist who was anti-law enforcement and I work in security).

Yet he’s always harping on people who eat meat (vegan). I was always feeling “but this and but that”.

And so I stopped and asked myself, did I want to be with someone who made me feel so…tuck or wrong?

The answer was no. So I cut him off, and I never looked back. And less than 2 months later, I found the love of my life.

Now obviously it’s not a formula, and it’s not a “use these three banter tricks and you’ll for sure find the man in a year” but they are tools for the woman who wants to learn to attune herself so that she can find ‘the one’.

Attune to yourself first, and attuning to another’s energy will become much easier.

Expect attunement to be messy at first

Another thing you should know about attunement…

It’s going to look messy and all over the place. You’re going to feel bad, because you will make mistakes along the way. You will find yourself in positions you haven’t been in before.

As you practice more, you will know when to do and say what.

When it comes to dating online and attuning yourself through text messages with men, as you practice bantering with them, you’ll learn.

You’ll makes mistakes, but you’ll learn when to relax a little and chat, and when to be more playful.

You’ll get to feel what the right thing to do is in the moment because of all this experience you built up through your everyday practice!

So. Keep going. Keep practicing attuning to your own feelings, rather than ignoring them.

Become more aware of how your body is responding to the things you do to it (or for it). Investigate how your body responds to men. And then, when you feel you’re ready, it’s then time to attune to where men are.

The rule is, the more attuned you are, the better you are able to reject toxic men, and invite in a healthy relationship with the right man. In other words, you’ll get closer to finding “the one”.

Can Chemistry Between a Man and a Woman Grow?

Can Chemistry Between a Man and a Woman Grow?

A lot of women ask the question “can chemistry grow if it isn’t there to begin with?”

They often lament that a guy has treated them nicely and they like him, but after couple of dates they are not sure whether there can be any chemistry between them.

They say that the guy likes them a lot, so there is hope there, but they feel a lot less than the man does for them.

The truth is that it is not often that you meet a guy who is kind and is a gentleman, so if you do meet one, you should try to appreciate it.

But despite trying to appreciate it, what if the downside is that he is not a good kisser and the chemistry is non existent?

The question is, can this change and grow, and can you create chemistry?

Some women make the mistake of judging a lack of chemistry on the way a man kisses, for example. However, this can be changed with time. Some men just aren’t as experienced in that department.

Chemistry can be created

Here’s the short of it: chemistry can be created.

People often mistake chaotic chemistry for real chemistry. This is probably because chaotic chemistry can be arousing. And if the arousal isn’t there, they are stumped.

Kissing can be taught. That requires communication, patience and willingness.

Nice and kind are the greatest aspects of a person.

The smart thing to do, rather than just blowing off a perfectly nice guy, is to give it a chance, a little while longer. Give both of you time to get to know one another.

Find out: can you get along? Can you attune to each other? Do you value the same things?

Instead of focusing heavily on sexual or immediate chemistry, focus on the men with whom you can grow together. These are the ones women should consider, instead of getting hung up on having these crazy type of relationships that make you feel high on dopamine all the time, but in the end can actually make you feel drained.

Have fun with it. And consider yourself lucky to have found a man who is kind, rather than toxic. That is not so easy in this day and age where people are more confused, misdirected and unsure than ever.

As long as you aren’t turned off by a man, chemistry can really grow through the connection that you have with each other.

You Can Guide a Guy to Become A Good Kisser

Here’s a piece of advice for the high value ladies who feel like they re dating a nice guy, but don’t like his kissing.

Take his head in your hands and ask him if it’s ok for you to show him how you like to be kissed.

Tell him to relax and follow your lead. You can turn a bad kisser into a good kisser that way.

If you put your hands gently and guide a man that way, there’s no pressure, no “talk” about it that could make him put his defenses up and feel more anxiety, it’s just an opportunity to engage in a great kiss with you!

Remember, kissing is something that a man can learn reasonably quickly with the right guidance, but being kind and respectful towards a woman is a lot longer a process (if not impossible) if they already have a lot of trauma or are simply a narcissist.

In conclusion, it is much better to rely on building chemistry with a good man than it is to rely on having chaotic, sometimes draining chemistry with a toxic man! Here’s an article on 7 factors which reveal chemistry between people.